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ON THEIR ROCKERS
AGING BOOMERS DESERVE A RELEVANT
RETIREMENT
Arthur Brodsky
January 28, 1996;
Page C3
IN THIS, the first year that baby boomers will turn 50, it is
not too soon to think about yet another major adjustment in the
U.S. economy. Having spawned Dr. Spock, the construction of
thousands of schools, rock and roll, blue jeans and now stomach
acid inhibitors, the boomers will soon lift and enrich another
industry: retirement communities in Florida.
People don't just retire to neighborhoods down there, they
retire to "adult communities," self-contained developments
enclosed by walls with some common characteristics: 1) little
guardhouses, mini-buses to take the residents shopping and a few
clubhouses; 2) walls that, like much of the clothing people wear,
come in pastel shades; 3) a generic name, usually made up of three
geographical elements, one of which is generally Florida-related,
like "sand" or "coral" or "palm," and the others ofmore generic
features, like "hill" or "lake" or "ridge."
But while tooling around "Palm Lake Ridge" and "Coral Lake
Palms" in mint Bermuda shorts may suit folks now in their
seventies, the prospect really doesn't do much for me. So if
entrepreneurs of retirement want to attract the members of my
generation, they will have to make their communities more
relevant.
Retirement communities might start by seeking licenses from
Time-Warner, Viacom, Disney/ABC and other entertainment industry
giants for the names of cultural heroes and icons. Imagine driving
down the Florida highway and seeing a retirement community behind
a wall adorned with a big blue and red skull with a thunderbolt in
the middle of it: You've come to Deadhead City, complete with
garden apartments on Jerry Garcia Way and American Beauty Road.
Across the way is "Beatlemania." Turn down Abbey Road and
live in a Western-style high-rise named for Rocky Raccoon. The
mini-buses would of course be yellow(as in submarine) and one
section of duplexes would surely be pure white.
And how could a developer looking for a big project pass up
the commercial allure of "Woodstock"? No mud, no rain, no outdoor
toilets -- just sand and palms. Sections of the project would be
named for Santana, Country Joe and the rest. Personally, I
wouldn't mind settling into Crosby, Stills and Nashville, a
laid-back place where ponytailed old-timers harmonize on their
chaise longues. And you can bet the mini-bus that takes them
shopping will be a VW with a peace symbol on the side.
NFL Properties could start licensing its names to huge
developments for aging football fans. "Redskins Lake" would have
streets named after Joe Gibbs and George Allen, with buildings
named after players. The Sonny Jurgensen Building would have a
Billy Kilmer Wing, and Charley Taylor Court would, of course, be
at the end of the street.
The possibilities for retirement homes based on TV themes
are as endless as the genres. "Wild West Palms" would start down
Wagon Train Way, with units down Cheyenne Road and Sugarfoot Drive
in one part of the development; Paladin Place and Gunsmoke Greens
would be located near the golf course.
Westerns not your thing? Then buy a condo at "Comedy Beach
Shores" and settle into a nice cottage near Lucy Lane and Brady
Boulevard, right off the Huxtable Highway in oThe Bunkers, a
section of small homes modeled after those in Queens.
As for me, I'm awaiting "Federation Space Beach." My little
apartment will be in Captain's Corner, near Kirk Circle and Picard
Drive, in the Alpha Quadrant. For convenience, I'm not too far
from the big clubhouse, the Enterprise, although the newest
addition, Deep Space Nine, is nice too. The mini-buses will be
white and named after the Starfleet shuttle craft such as The
Hawking. Beam me down. It will be warmer there than it is here.
Arthur Brodsky is an editor at Communications
Daily.
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